tl;dr: A homeowner shares a decade of rules for building a smart home that doesn't depend on vendor clouds: core functions (lights, locks, temperature) must work with the internet unplugged, old manual controls stay in place, and devices communicate locally via MQTT with Tasmota on ESP boards and Node-RED on a Raspberry Pi. The post compiles two talks plus reader feedback about absurd internet dependencies (fridges needing apps, TVs that won't switch inputs offline, a meat thermometer bricked when its company folded) and practical fixes like Zigbee/Z-Wave, Tailscale, and open-source firmware replacements.